Intrusive Thought Night means wishing I could “Click” ahead

 It’s a blinking cursor night.   One of those nights where it’s hard to define how I’m feeling. 

 For the next few months are to be “ juggling- balls -in- the- air” kinda months. (or if I don’t play my cards right, bricks in the air.)

  For one,  I have applied for jobs in the area where I’m moving shortly.  Being able to finesse all this timing of job, moving, kids in school, him getting orders to actually go…. ugh!  

 I have applied for 6 jobs of which are all modest salaries but comparable to what I do if not higher. 

 My supervisor said that I have a good resume. 

 The timing and the waiting comes in when I do get called for a job, and I may have to leave sooner than Doug does when he gets orders. Sooner by a few months.  This is not a bad thing really.

 One child wants to leave immediately with me, and one does not. (can you guess which child wants to stay? lol)

 

Big A is SERIOUSLY balking at sharing a room with her sister!

 

  You see, there is a temporary apartment close to my older daughter’s apartment. 

If I moved sooner than Doug, I wouldn’t have furniture until the movers come and get it and move it from here, because the Army can’t move things unless the service member themselves are moving.

  Probably 3 months later I’m guessing, because we weren’t due to move until June.

 I’ve done worse for myself before,  though. 

 WAY worse. 

 In all, job security is worth the hassle of going there early.    That’s the bottom line.  I’ve made sacrifices for this Army life for a long long time.  Now it’s time for the Army to work around ME!   

   I don’t think I will be moving again once I get where I’m going. 

Doug already knows this.    

 

Why am I so bent on moving early?  I’m not actually.

  I could just stay and then take my chances on when we will get settled, what jobs pop up then.  But problem is,  to get a government housing like we live in now,  we’d still have to wait in a temporary place anyway…on the waiting list.

  I am just anxious to get all that “waiting” and job hunting over with.    You have no idea how anxious…

 

In a sense, I am super excited.  I want a lot more for my life than this small rural Kansas area has to offer.  I’m so happy to soon be within arm’s length of my grown daughter.    

 

 So then,  I came home early from work today. *again* sigh.  I wasn’t feeling well.  headachey and all that.

 

 I slept and then spent the better part of an hour putting the Christmas tree back together after it kept falling apart, and falling over, and leaning, and bare and and and…One part of the stand was missing so he duct taped it to something to keep it up. 

*here it is lit* 

  When Doug put it up,  he well… let’s just say, he didn’t take his time. lol.  It’s up again now, and loaded with decorations.  Cozy.  Except Sugar keeps eyeing that tree skirt like she wants to pee on it. 

                                                                      Here it is, in the light→

A couple of the decorations I bought when Doug was somewhere else for Christmas…

     

 

and  a couple are what the kids made in school, like this one that Little A made in Hawaii.  I think she was in Kindergarten here:

I made red and green M & M cookies.  They are gone.  lol.  I watched TV and that’s it.  My whole evening.  Poo.   How was yours?  I hope better than mine. heeee…! 

 

 Right now, I have such a multitude of feelings about things happening around me.  I wish for just once people had a fast forward thingie like in the movie “Click“

   where you could just fast forward around the parts of life that you want to live fast.  Or maybe not to live it, just to see it.  Just to rest my mind.   

I’d sooooo….just jump to my new job, my new home, our new life..if I could. 

 Not that it’s not fun with all the balls in the air.

Cold enough fur ya?

    Mini frozen landscaping near my shed in the back yard this morning had me wishing for another day off just to capture the breathtaking little sparkles on top of the drifts, and the piles of fresh cotton candy like snow in the pines.

 

  Last night, a pretty nice wind velocity blew through here for hours, and lying under my comforter while this was happening, was more than pleasant, except for one little detail. 

I couldn’t sleep!  

  I kept staring out the window blinds at the charcoal horizon with it’s strange ambient glow. 

 Normally pitch black would surround the back yard, but with the bright snow i could make out every tree branch covered with white, new snowfall.   strange… 

 

Big A  and her friend, who’s a boy:

ring, ring.   she snatches it up before anyone can answer it.  Everyone’s in bed while she talks and talks to him.    Is there anything wrong with this? 

*ahem* yes.  she keeps hanging up on him by hitting her ear against the hang up button.  so he keeps calling back, and back, and back…     

 

    ahh puppy love.

When I see cars like this on the road…   I wonder if they live down a long country dirt road…. and if they always see rainbows in their sleep.  Or if a soccer mom just decided to go 4 wheeling.

 

 I lived down a long dirt/gravel road before.  The back of my car was perpetually dirty from the dust coming from other vehicles traveling down the road.  By morning, the dew would make the dust into mud that stuck. 

    Prince is handling winter better that expected, but that’s because he has enough fur to make another dog.   Sugar on the other hand,  thinks we lost our mind putting her outside in 11 degree windchill weather. 

    Last Sunday,  walking down by the river,  we met Spiffy. Spiffy’s owner was more than happy to let me take her picture.  She’s a boston terrier.

 Spiffy was stylin’ in her doggie sweater.  I think Sugar might need a Spiffy new sweater. lol.  because Sugar is all bones and fur. 

 This is the US Penitentiary  located  right outside our gate:  Intimidating isn’t it?  Prisoners come from here to plow our snowy roads.  

    Today,  they were on ATV’s with little plows in front.  It looked like they were having a blast.   Then again it was colder than …. amazingly cold. 

Photo Essay~ the creatures of a snow day and other thoughts

      These photo subjects were co-operative.  Then again, maybe they were frozen! lol.

 

  I had my snow day today, but only cuz I took it off.   There was actually a delay this morning to work, 2 hours. 

 But by then, school was closed, so I ended up taking all of today off with both girlz, despite the fact that they are not babies.  I’m glad that I did too.

 

  at 9 a.m. little A could be found wet up to her butt, in blue jeans from playing outside in the snow with her little friend. 

 

 She’d go out another 3 times in the snow to play by days end.  At one point, I was wishing I had gone to work because I had 4 extra squirrely kids , that didn’t belong to me, in my house.  gah!! 

 Not another parent in sight, they had gone to work. 

 

I their friends stay for awhile, making them hot chocolate, pigs in a blanket, and banishing them upstairs to play.  It wasn’t bad. 

 

 I kicked them all out around 2-ish and napped with Sugar on the couch.  When i got up, it was time to make a nice turkey breast dinner, with rice, stuffing, green bean casserole and gravy. 

  We are all cozy now, watching, waiting for more snow to fall, (as we speak)

 

  Work is already delayed 2 hours, so I won’t have to go in until 9 a.m tommorrow morning.  (Yay)   Today was nice, but anytime the girlz are off too and housebound with me, things can get outta control.

  Big A has a new name for her sister.  It is “fat-tard” 

 *ahem*  well,  I nipped that one in the butt.  I’m kinda looking forward to work tommorrow now…

Please enjoy these winter creatures who were feverishly gathering and eating food before more windy and lower temp conditions come through here tonight.

s’no joke. I want a snow day!

I haven’t felt like this in a loooonnng time.  The snow is coming down nicely now, and I feel just like a little kid wishing for a “snow day” lol. 

*Prince,  enjoying the snow from last winter

 Why you say? 

 

What could possibly make you want a day inside your house with your two hormonal teenagers?

When a snow storm closes the post down here,  we get paid anyway where I work.     (hehe)

 

 the house is cozy right now.  Warm and cozy and the tree is lit.  Both dogs are asleep on the carpet and my dishes are done.  I couldn’t ask for a better night,

 even tho that “time” is here for both little A  AND  me.

 

  No wonder she made a big pan of brownies last night. geez. 

 When I got up to go to work this morning, the house looked like the whole neighborhood came over and made brownies.    lol. But it really wasn’t funny at 6:3o this morning when Doug and I were breaking our butts trying to clean it up before work.    

  

Work was really really great today.    I was minding my own business after lunch when my boss came in and it appeared as though we were going to have a meeting. 

 

 I was on the phone, and I noticed that another person had come in and was also hanging out  and that they were also waiting for me to get off the phone.  

 When I did,  my supervisor said the boss wanted to talk to me.  (yikes, right?)  

 

 Well, what he actually did was congratulate me in front of my office mates on being the first to complete a specific task before every other unit did.   

 

  Wow that made my day.  You have no idea!  

 

 They were happy about that and made sure I knew that the bigger “bossy bosses” would know that I did this good thing.   

 I guess I can’t say, “I hate Mondays” anymore. wheeeeee!  

 

 This morning, I thought I was going to cry having to go to work.  I was sooo sleepy.  When I got there, everyone seemed far too animated for a Monday, starting the work week.  

 

During lunch,  I came home and slept for 30 minutes with Sugar, under our early Christmas present: 

 

 a really sooooft feathery throw blanket my brother and his wife had given our family.  (thanks you guys)

 When the alarm went off to go back to work,  I didn’t even know if it was day, night,  or WHAT!      So that is the one caveat about going home and sleeping away your lunch hour,  you feel awful when you have to return and put in another 3 and a half hours.  Poo.  

 

srsly though,  I hope this storm doesn’t affect you negatively in any way, and that everyone involved will stay safe on the roads, and all your lights and heat will stay on.    Talk to you later:  (((hugs))) SG

 

P.S. ~to my brother.  I LOVE YOU.

Sunday Photo Essay~unglamorous Christmas

I wanna see this! And other thoughts

     I still get a kick out of seeing this little guide on the treadmill.  If I saw a 100 year old person jogging on the treadmill….lol,  I’d want the person’s autograph. 

Because they’d be my new hero.

These dumbells are for when you bring your 2 year old to the gym to work out with you….  Everytime I see these dumbells at the gym,  I think “what’s the friggin point!”

I’m actually really relaxed now.  I had a pretty long day.    The gray clouds are here today, after the beautiful sun we had yesterday, and we are supposed to have a good snow this week.  We’ll see. 

  Doug and I went to take pictures but the shots were weak,  Eventually I got a couple though.

  “Unglamorous Christmas” (to be posted) is a photo essay that kind of put itself  together. 

 After I had taken a few photos I was kind of sensing a theme.  The small town decorations of  the Holidays were pretty meager.  Much is to be said for the “lit” version of these shots.

 The whole premise is that Christmas is a celebration of Jesus’ birth.  The celebration; the ‘decoration’ should be on the inside of us.

  Be generous with those who go without this year.  Host a family.  Buy a present for a child in need.  invite someone who needs someone this Christmas.  Wear Christmas decorations of the heart…all year. 

  I am suffering a little bit from blog regret right now.  when i started my blog a couple years ago and i really didn’t have any contact whatsoever with any one that knew me from my home state.  My blog was my pride.  I was free to blog what i wanted, when I wanted, with no regret.

  Now, that certain people have my blog addy, I’m always in a sense, hyper vigilant about what I blog.  Life was better when I was anonymously Sweetiegirlz. 

 I should say somewhat anonymously.

  I feel like I’ve not been true to myself lately by  NOT blogging how I usually blog here. 

 As usual and unfortunately, the people who have known me the longest in my life, have been the most judgemental and critical of me.  It didn’t take long before this “reality check” set in.  I will always be the black sheep.  Always.  As long as I have a connection to them I will be controlled.  Period.

 I  am not sure if I can ever write freely here now.   I may even consider starting a new blog anonymously.  I know of one person I read regularly that had to do this.  That would really suck tho.  Because I enjoy posting photos and I enjoy connecting with people who have been here with me a long time. 

Will the real Santa please stand up

photo from here

I got a chuckle out of the situation, but I’m sure parents of the small children in our small Military store here on post didn’t appreciate the simultaneous appearance of 2 santa clauses at once in the store, yesterday afternoon. 

 

  As I walked around one aisle,  the whole “photo with Santa” thing was set up in a portion of the store.   A mom and a little girl were just finishing up from seeing Santa Claus  when who was spotted coming in from another aisle?

  why, SANTA Claus #2 of course !   

 

 I told the mom discreetly, ”better look out, here comes you know who.  It doesn’t seem very well planned out does it?”  

  The mom was saying “yeah I know, I think I’m going to complain!” 

 She took her confused little girl, who looked to be about 5 out of the area, and I overheard her saying to her, “We just saw the real Santa, I don’t know who that other person is”   

 

What would you have done if this happened to you and your child?

Apparently my header photo makes Sweetiegirlz look trashy *High chick rant warning*

  I’m here against my will.  Gravitating to the blog once again because I am letting something upset me that shouldn’t have.

   It’s the story of my life actually.  Upset about the things I shouldn’t be.  Indifferent about the things that I should be upset about. 

 

   Tonight someone visiting my blog for the first time, told me that I need to remove the picture of them from my blog. 

 

 They told me that they at first thought they hit the wrong site because my header looked like something you’d find on a porn site.

  They said they couldn’t “be associated” with my blog for that reason. 

 

  They went on:  

 My dress looks like a negligee. 

 I’m on a bed inviting men in.  yada yada.

   At first I was hurt.  I mean really really hurt. 

Then I got angry.

 

  I’ve had my blog for 2 years this month.   I wanted the person’s pictures on my site, so earlier this evening I changed my header as a compromise. The trouble is, when I compromised something on my blog, I compromised my own strength as well. 

 I felt I was not strong enough to even defend my rights.  I mean,  I know who I am,  and who I am not.   I don’t need someone to tell me what I look like.

 

  Then,  I got mad…really really mad at myself, for caving in. 

 For being “controlled” and  having my blog micro managed from afar.    Now I have only a few things to say:

 

I am not a whore.

 a porn star. 

 a web cam girl,

 or a freak. 

 the dress i have on in the picture goes down past my knees when I stand up.

    No one who has visited me thinks the opinion you told me is true. 

 Not even a guy.  If he does,  I’m sure he’ll quickly find out that Sweetie is strictly goodie two shoes, PG13 and all that. 

On top of this,  THIS IS MY BLOG. 

 

 It is an online diary/journal/ photo showcase and occasionally it is an online frenzy of high chick rants.  I will not compromise my writing, my pictures, my life for anyone. 

 

  If you dig deep enough on here, you will find out that I occasionally have a sailor’s mouth,

 talk about things deemed inappropriate in other’s minds,

and other things you might not like.

 

But, my header picture doesn’t matter.

I’ ve  downright poured my heart out here. 

 I receive from 200 to 250 hits a day from around the whole world.  Those who comment here reach out in love to me, with friendship. 

In that whole time, no one has EVER made a comment to me about my header picture. 

 

In other words I have over 2500 comments on here from people and not ONE of them has ever said my header looks the slightest bit wrong.  This includes visits from Christians. 

People read this blog because they like it.  If I didn’t have this blog I would have exploded from the stress of life, a long time ago.

 

   2 years ago when I started this blog, I was drowning in stress, living as a single parent in a high crime area.

  If I hadn’t  had my blog to journal in, and the WONDERFUL people who have supported me here on wordpress, I might literally decided, that life wasn’t worth living.

  

PS~I have removed your pictures at your request.

Now here’s some other headers I have had over the last months I’ve been blogging, enjoy.  (and yes they are all my photographs) 

Pimping out my Crib~Update on the Doll house

I love “mini”, and I’ve been working on the weekends on my “crib” pimpin it up.   Renovations are happening all over the place.    Since we last got together,  I showed you all my nice new bathroom renovation, with its warm colors and antique porcelain bathtub.  Here are some recent additions.

     

 The Kitchen as is right now:

 

  I made stylish little country curtains seen on the window on the right.

 I sew by hand.  I have no sewing machine.  P.S.  I don’t know how to sew. lol.  I hotlgued them to the window frame.

    The stove and sink were found at an antique store in Weston, MO and are in need of a renewed paint/gloss job.  I got them for 3 bucks each.  A sink is a hard thing to find, as well as a stove, so I was happy.

  The little touches like the wooden breadbox, the window decoration, the pitcher and the other china dish in the window,  as well as the “copper” frying pan. all under a buck each.

 I finished crocheting this “braided”  rug for the attic toy room floor.  I didn’t use regular yarn but a tough kind of yarn found in small amounts in stores.  I had it laying around the house from a long ago project and used it. 

*another sink found in Weston Antiques. 3.oo for it too.  I need to paint/gloss this too.

A “hard to find” appliance.  I bought this Hallmark ornament and lo and behold it was the exact size I needed!  I was sooooo happy with the appearance of it.  I didn’t mind the 20 dollars it cost!  Making it the most expensive piece in the home.

 I remade this “Ryan’s Room” bed into something a girl could love!  I sewed by hand the bedding.  I know it seems like it’s really a rough sew, but I get so excited when I make things,  I have no patience!  I just want it done. lol.  anyhow, little A loves it!

* I painted the wall pinkish red, added girlie crystal flowers, and made curtains out of wired satin ribbon.  I hot glued it to the window.  They were the simplest “no sew” curtains!

  I painted the “Ryan’s room furniture” which was blue,  white. 

I found nail polish to be an inexpensive paint!   I purchase 4 cheap nail colors in girlie colors. 

 White and clear sparkle together made a cute girly “paint” for the furniture.

  Everywhere you see white on the furniture, used to be blue.

 I made this upholstered chair cushion and hot glued it on, then sewed the chair skirt and tablecloth on.

  The glass table top was a compact mirror, I removed from my make up holder.

 The beads on the chair were part of a child’s beaded bracelet I got at a yard sale for 50 cents.

 *a crib I could definitely do better on.  However I liked the crocheted baby blanket I made for it.

I made these bed covers too.  hand sewn.  My favorite is the round rolled accent pillow.   The little dog is a close replica of Sugar I bought at a toy store.  it was 3.oo bucks.

Drinking last year’s cocoa, this year

*picture taken last week in Michigan*

Overheard today in a restaurant :

 

first lady:  wow, it’s really cold out today.

2nd lady: Yeah, I know, I can’t believe how cold it’s been!

Me:  “thinking* hellooooo it’s December….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And although it’s been a  mild winter here before that,  Some kind of cold had to set in here sometime.  and here it is…17 degrees tonight wind chill.   chance of flurries.  Yay!   Okay, not really yay, but it’s not the end of the world. 

 

While visiting in Michigan last week, they had this weather.  Chill North wind. random cold rain and/or snow. 

 

   My sister in law made every one hot chocolate and cappacino in a nifty little machine. 

 We all sipped from hot mugs of it and had whipped cream on top, with little peppermint bark candy and gingersnaps.  

  I think these kind of days are like little bits of Heaven on Earth. 

 

 untillllll…. Little A tells her Aunty that: 

 ”WE have one of those (hot chocolate machines) at home, but….Mom never uses it!!”

 

   gah!!!   thankyou, little A.  You’ve just told my brother’s wife, that we never used their Christmas present to us after one whole year of receiving it!

 

    My brother  got a big kick out of Little A telling them this little “factoid” too. 

 My brother points at their machine which is full of delicious hot cocoa,  “In case you wondered, Renee, this is what it does!” 

 A- HA …A- HA.

 

    So today,  I finally took it off the shelf,  put my powdered cocoa in it and served it up, after work. 

 Works great. Lemme tell you.  I   love drinking hot cocoa on a night like tonight. 

  The cool thing about this little machine is that if the remaining cocoa sits there and cools off, the machine kicks back on and warms it again.  Now that is a nice gift!  (even if it is last year’s gift.)