The King is probably horrified

I went to Burger King this morning.  I love to order the croissantwich with cheesy tots in the morning.  It’s the only time I really get to eat big since my biggest meal is in the morning. 

this morning I enjoyed eating there with my newspaper.  I usually take it home.  But I was shocked almost to the point of nausea to see the following:

 

Apparently the drain that catches all the ice and soda (directly under the spouts) was plugged. 

 A worker was using a TOILET PLUNGER, to unplug it.  

Hello, a toilet plunger?  

Now, what are the odds of that plunger being brand NEW and never used?

my guess is zero.

Something that has been inside a public toilet at Burger King.  Being  used to unstop a drain INCHES from where we all get sodas from!

 

 

*shudders*

Mix one part coke with 1 billion parts toilet water germs.=  “THE HEPATITIS COKE-TAIL”

Anyone want to lay bets on if the worker than disinfected the area with bleach afterwards? (you know, backsplash and all that, from plunging?)

What the HECK is wrong with you MEN?

Sooooo…. the movers bring all our junk.  It’s the classic, honey I didn’t even know we had this much stuff scenario.  Nevertheless,  Doug hadda stand there with the movers as they called out each box number and check it off on their paper work so we can make sure we got everything we owned. 

So far, so good.

The new doggie was kinda in the way, so I went out in the backyard with him to keep him company.  Who knew what escape he could manuever by himself right?  And i couldn’t bear the thought of losing my new friend.

While in the backyard.  i started raking all the clumps of grass that had been mowed the other day from 2 feet of overgrown grass.    I raked, then I bagged it.  2 bags worth.

Then I got out the poopie scoopie and picked up poo.

Then, I mowed the lawn again and evened out the hack job of clumps that had been missed.

Then…. i weed whacked the whole fence line.

Rinsed off the patio and mower and weed eater.

I was so proud of myself for not wasting time waiting for the movers.   I had been *gasp*  PRODUCTIVE before 9 a.m.  Not bad for someone sooooo not a morning person! 

Later, I went to Doug and the conversation went something like this:

Me:  Honey, I did the whole yard!

HIM: *goes to back door*  LOOKS THE SAME TO ME!

Me:  Are you kidding me?  I mowed, I raked, I weed eated the fence line!

HIM:  Well it looks the same.  *then he sees the look on my face*

OHHH HONEY C’MERE, I was just joking!  Come here!

Me: You were NOT joking!

HIM:  Well, I don’t know what you want me to say, I mowed it the other day!  It took me forever!  I don’t know why you always want credit!

Needless to say, I wanted to go and dump out the two bags of grass i raked and spread it back out over the lawn. 

Need I say more?  What is WRONG with you MEN??? 

All of you need not reply.  Just the dorks.

 

Solving the brain shortage crisis in Nigeria

 Hey fellow bloggers let’s have some fun reading my email shall we?   I don’t know why but it seems I get one of these about every day in my inbox, so instead of ignoring them, I thought we’d ”answer” them on line.  Best ”answer” wins!  (I know, I have WAY too much time on my hands)  I believe in everyone’s right to free speech here in nigeria America, so let’s give this all the dignity it deserves, eh?  Who knows?  It may even become a separate feature here!  This is real email I got today.  It reads:

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK YOUR ENTIRE ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THESE HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISH TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH

SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR.PRESIDENT,UMARU YAR’ADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA AND FBI.

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM IS FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS PER DAY, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUNDS DEPARTMENT CARD PAYMENT CENTER. YOUR CODE OF CONDUCT IS (ATM-822) YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

MRS. LINDA HILL ON HER EMAIL
ADDRESS: lindahill01@live.com
AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION:

1. YOUR FULL NAME
2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
3. COUNTRY/ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT USD6.8MILLION AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2008. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(S) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT.

KINDEST REGARDS,

MR. DAVID MARK.
SENATE PRESIDENT.

 

NOTE: DO NOT REPLY TO: jamie.mcguire@snc.edu
FARWARD ALL REPLY TO: lindahill01@live.com

 

 Answer:

 

Dear Mr. Mark,

        I am greatly relieved to hear that my inheritance fund is still intact. I’m amazed at how no one can die in America without Nigeria being notified.

 Wow, I should give those “none” officials at my bank a call!   They’re in the “habit” of losing paperwork lately!  (sorry, I couldn’t resist) and since you have arranged my payment  with the FBI, Please just go ahead and forward all of YOUR information to them:

   Federal Bureau of Investigation
    935 Pennsylvania Ave, NW
    Washington, DC 20535

 

Sincerely,

Donna T.  Wannebeasucker

Phone/Fax:   (217) 522-9675. Office of the FBI

Country:  The smartest country in the world, remember? 

AGE: Nunya

Occupation: FBI agent 007

 

 

Reality kids TV~on your nerves all day, all the time

I’m a fake. I’m a fraud. I’m a phony.  I live on Front St.  I wear a mask.  I play charades. 

So now I must undress.

I yelled at my kid tonight.  I lost it.  I screwed up.  I may have even….*gasp* ….CUSSED! 

Does anyone else do this out there?  No? 

See?   I suck.

 to be fair, Big “A”  is known for instigating.  By golly, she pushes buttons I NEVER thought I even had.

She’s ADHD, she’s ODD, she’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but she’s my kid.  I love her.  Every day and every night, she provokes fights with family members, she screeches at the top of her lungs when it only takes a whisper.  She get’s mad at the stupidest things (just like her daddy does).  She’s thrown stuff, kicked the walls, and called me stupid and told me to shut up before. 

Out of the 4 kids, she’s the only one so volatile. 

Somewhere out there, my OWN mother is laughing her behind off getting divine retribution on me for all the times I was bad.

So what was the almighty infraction that set off this tweenager tonight?

 she got mad at little “A”  for taking her pillow, that is, switching her bed pillow, unknowingly. 

Now,  little “A” is cut from the same cloth as I am.  We could give a rat’s butt about what pillow belongs to WHOM.

But now, 12 year old, stands at the top of the stairs, screaming as if she is tied up, shot, beaten and stabbed.  Hitting her little sister, and making threats, telling her she hates her.

All over a pillow.

I am TIRED, young ladies!!! Sick and tired.

  If this is a conspiracy to KILL your mother, I must tell you.  Mother’s never die. 

 You can have me cremated and I will be in my little ashy box staring down at you from the curio cabinet, saying, “I’m still heeeeeere!”

I want everyone to know, that everyone most likely has screamed at their kid at one point or another.  It’s just that I’m trying so hard to be a good mommy. 

I should’ve had a clue when I brought Little “A” home from the hospital and her big sister’s reaction was to pull off her sisters tiny little baby socks and BITE HER FEET! 

What makes this so hard is that when these 2 knuckleheads are at peace they make fun of me when I’m trying to chastise them. 

Big A:   “look, look, little ’A'!  This is mom, this is mom right here!” 

 *makes funny face or stupid noise that is supposed to be an impression of me* 

Little A: “hahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

Then they high 5 each other. 

 So much for loyalty.

 

 

stuff I like(and don’t like) about men

Ohhhh ladies… what drives you crazy about men?  I don’t mean crazy in a bad way.  I love these things about guys!    Yep.  don’t need ‘em right now got a hubs, but enjoy them in the scenery, if ya know what I mean.

1)  The well dressed dude.  Cowboy hat optional~ Where do you come from and can I get a ride on your horse?  Any nice, in season, in STYLE, pressed, clean clothes that match. 2 thumbs up.  My hubby gets an “A” on this.  He’s the neatest, pickiest dresser around.

2)  The hair:  I love thin sideburns!! with a clean cut hair style. 

 

 It says, “I care about myself”  No ponytails!  You might as well call yourself “Sally” or “Sue” .If a guy  had a ponytail and dated someone, from the back people would say, Oh! two women!   and I’m not having that! 

Back in the 80’s there was something called a rat tail. 

Little known fact about hubby:  he wore one, and oMg butt ugly, OK?  He teases me about it, and says he is going to grow one again.  I said, ”when I see it, I’m cutting it off!  You have to sleep sometime!” 

Btw~ Sweetiegirlz says:  “Bald is beautiful”  (especially with a goatee)

 Ear hair, wild “staches” and full untrimmed beards, eww, eww and EW!

 

And speaking of funky facial hair I know, I KNOW. The soul patch is out of style but I LIKE them!   How bout a soul patch AND side burns!   aaaa-OOOOGA!

4)  “THE” sexiest job in the world.   I have a soldier but  Both uniforms are hottt baby.  Score 2 for my guy.

You see what I mean?  This guy can’t help but be amazing.  It’s the Uniform ladies.  If I had any sort of fantasy it would be a foot chase with a cute cop(s)  ending in being handcuffed.  Yowza.  

 

5) I’m prolly the goofiest woman on the planet , but I LOVE suspenders!  This picture is really not all that great, the pants and the suspenders should match and look better than they do here.  It’s my thing, I know.  Hubby thinks suspenders are stupid.

 

 

6) Hey, even BETTER, how bout a cop wearing suspenders??   Can he BE any cuter?

7) Well defined Chest and arms~  there’s something so protective about the way a man holds his woman !   It oozes romance.  Score again for hubby.  he keeps himself VERY fit, which is prerequisite for a soldier and great for the wife!  No man boobs, potbellies,  or love handles.

  I just LOVE these guys!  They’ve made women swoon everywhere!

No not the actual guys! 

 

9) The icecream they make!  Here’s my favorite!

 

Joey You’re a man

Well, my 23 year old son.  I love you and thanks for the mother’s day greeting.  I appreciate your position in life and how you have made it thus far being a productive citizen. You know that for me, productive means you’re not on drugs, you haven’t been arrested for anything, and you haven’t knocked anyone up. LOL.

But seriously,

 I can honestly say I know how it is to struggle with life and money and life

 and well, life. 

 I just pray you know what you are doing joining the Army.(after leaving the Air Force)  The Army was an escape for me as well.  I did 5 years escaping my upbringing.

  But….there was no Iraq war then.

  What has fostered this love-hate relationship with the military for me?

  I married 2 Army guys. 

both are kinda nuts, but I’m hanging with the 2nd one because I’m in love with him. 

 All 4 of you kids were born scott-free, paid for by Army dollars. 

 I do not own a house.  For all of your 23 years, give or take a few months, I spent living in army quarters. Mine, his, or HIS.

  Everytime you kids had a sneeze, a sniffle, a fever, or a life threatening emergency, I was able to go to the Army hospital and have you seen~~again, FREE. Zero dollars and zero cents.

This would’ve cost a LOT had I been a civilian then.  You guys were a sickly bunch with your asthma, your accidents, your braces…. 

 By all accounts, you kids should have sent me to the poor house with medical care, but the Army paid it all. 

 On top of this, after 23 years, your dad retired with a nice monthly pay check and lifetime medical care, again scot free.  Your step dad will do the same Lord willing in 5 years.  This is the “LOVE” part of the Army.

  The hate part is, that the Army is part of a war now. 

 It’s not a fair war, and I happen to think it’s not ending anytime soon.

You think your head is messed up now, honey, wait until you see someone’s brains blown out in front of you.  Wait until you see blood that looks like Halloween stuff,

 but it’s real. 

This war will not go away.  I believe personally that it is the end of the end.  But that is just me. 

 Whatever you do son, realize that the recruiter is doing his job.  The reason they happily accepted you (after you left the air force) is that they are happy that they have another warm body to go to that big sand dune of Hell. 

 I’m not saying you aren’t good enough son.  I’m saying you are TOO good for them and that is why I am cautioning you now. 

 Beware of someone that might lie to you about what you are getting into, promising you jobs that you want, but you end up with a job toting weapons in some unwin-able war. 

 That is all I am saying.  You may or you may NOT go.(to Iraq)  But if you do, you will come back changed son.  You will. 

 I hope you will not change too much son.

Son, you are my only son. I’m too old and ugly to have another one. You brought me years of joy, and pride now that you are older.

 I love you. I support you fully, because I believe in you.

The weedy seedys~tale of a great photo op lost

On a sad note:  Yesterday, I was going to have this fantastic shot of a seemingly mundane field of white seeded dandelions, caught by the rays of the setting sun. 

You would’ve had to see it to appreciate it of course.  That’s what makes it so grrrr, frustrating! 

It was like angel hair.  Billowy poofs of glowing surrealness.  One almost forgot that they were weeds. Fields upon fields of WEEDS.

  It seems as though whoever is in charge of landscaping the army base has just given up fighting the siege of the weeds.  So dandelions are alllll over in freakish numbers. 

 Anyhoo, I had this awesome shot.  It almost made me feel sentimental about weeds!  The orange glow of the sun setting and shining through alll those white poofy dandelions.

 I told myself I’d shoot it the next evening.  Well, guess what?  The wind had blown every last (okay almost) every last white puff away.  All that was left was BALD dandelion heads. 

 I don’t want to have to tell you that the sun setting through bald dandelion heads wasn’t as pretty do I? 

Pretty much explains why this place is losing the weed siege tho.  Think of where alllllll those little weed seeds were blown last night in 50 MPH wind gusts!

the moral of the story: shoot it while ya got it shutter bugs!

 

Today was nice.  For every mom it probably was.  At least that would be my hope.  Big and little “A” made sure they made a meal for me.  They also gave me a nice big card and a book called HUGS FOR WOMEN, nice collection of scripture and quotes.  I prolly will share some of them over the blogging course of days.  Nice weather too after last night’s high winds.  I truly thought the house was goin’ dowwwnnnnn.  It was sunny and chilly today. 

From reading the blogs on here, it looks as though many or most of you had great mother’s day’s and that is how it’s supposed to be, eh?

caution:*hysterical laughter*

Not into politics AT ALL, my daughter just found this and I almost peed my pants laughing.

 

Mi Casa

 Sweetiegirlz has The Look of “Happy”

 

Well not the blog addict am I?  Muaaaahhahaha!  Got on the wireless net tonight.  I shouldn’t think anyone should mind the middle of the night intrusion.   The family and I moved out of the “hole-tel” post haste as to not be charged for the day.  Doug hadda go back to work, and so left me with downloading all our worldly goods from our smallish two door car.  It wasn’t bad work.  though I was surely used to it because of being so independent in California. 

Our house is awesome.  New Paint, new floor, new dog. haha  No the dog didn’t come with house.  he is Prince our “fur ever” adoptee from a rescue shelter.  He is precious.  Perfect in every way.  I cannot believe this dog was ever going to be put down, but he was….

No furniture until Tuesday.  No cable til wednesday.  We’ve bought ourselves a blanket and a pillow each.  A towel EACH.  Sleeping on the floor is mercilessly painful.  Hip grinds into floor.  shoulder and arm bone meets floor. aaagggh.  Vaguely familiar of California also, but without the gunfire and the crying.

Tonight there’s high wind.  I looked out the window at the big oak tree in the back and it’s hard not to mentally calculate how far that sucker is tall, and if it should fall would it reach the house?  Everyone is sleeping peaceably but ME!  Ain’t that something? 

Every night in the distance, I hear the trains.  The sound is comforting to me somehow.  It’s melodic and regular, a sound of ‘all is well’  because the trains are running on time.

Doug, a whirlwind of activity since this morning.  Buy this buy that.  We need everything.  Washer /dryer, mower, computer desk.  He mows the two feet high grass in the backyard, attacking it.  The mower cuts off about 11 or 12 times, clogged with green, semi wet, grass sludge.  It takes him over an hour to do a little yard.  His flip flops are a green mess. 

Later, he buys that desk and spends 5,  FIVE hours putting it together.  Can you say Robo-husband?  Gee and it’s only Saturday(or sunday morning)

I’m McLovin’ the house all right.  Spacious, lotta light, lotta room, safe neighborhood.  Doug is so proud.  It beats all the other government quarters by a mile. 

Sunday Photo Essay~Sir Prince-topher Lovesalot

 

Welcome to the family, Prince.  You’ve made these last two days without furniture or T.V. fun!  Let’s hope we inspire someone to adopt a “fur-ever” friend from a rescue shelter or pound near them.  (Oh golly now I sound like Bob Barker.  He’s as loveable as he looks.  Furry like a lion.  House trained, and frisky in the morning (oh wait, that’s my husband)  well woke up to dog shoving snout into armpit.  funneee.