Java Head and Other Dating Dummies (repost)

a man and a woman who just met 3 minutes ago, enjoying their coffee and frappacino at a well-known, but now “jinxed” coffee house.  We’ll call the coffee house “Spar-Ducks” just for kicks.

The man’s cell phone rings say….on the average of 6 times in 3 minutes.  He looks at it each time without answering, and then….

Dillon: (To date) I’m sorry I have to get this one, just a moment.

Dillon: (To invisible caller)  Hi!  This is KEVIN!

Date:  I thought you said your name was DILLON.

Dillon:  It is.

Date:  But you just answered the phone, KEVIN

Dillon:  No,  I said “Dillon”

Date:  No, you said, “Kevin”.

Dillon has a look on his face like he was just caught pooping his pants.

You think the woman ended the date like the cartoon above?

She couldn’t be that lucky.

Later on, she found out Dillon/Kevin was seeing 2 other women and he’d scheduled all of them like a busy doctor’s office.

All 3 women collaborated on how Dillon/Kevin would come to regret his “choices”

*******************************************************************

Potential date:  My ex-girlfriend has stalked all of my dates.  I don’t know how, she just “finds” them.

Woman:  (OMG! I soooo want to see more of you. NOT!!!!)

********************************************************************

Potential date: (after looking the woman up and down like a pimp recruiting 2 dollar whores.)  You look okay, it’s just….. (and here he pats her gut)

Woman: (OMG!  I soooo want you!  NOT!)

*******************************************************************

The man and woman embark on a date to a local italian eatery.  The man has a jeep in which the woman rather ungracefully hops up into, after seeing a GUN under the front seat.

Potential date:  Oh that’s my gun.  Want to see it?

woman:  ummmm,         NO.

Date:  Do you want me to lock it up in back??

woman:  uh,     YES.  (thinks to Herself: Please dont be a murderer, please don’t be a murderer, please dont…..)

Date:  Hey later on want to go for a drive?

Woman:  NO!  

******************************************************************

A man and a woman are having a date in a restaurant where the waitresses are dressed up in slutty sexy attire.  Their waitress approaches:

Waitress:  Hi!  I’m Kat, I’ll be your waitress for tonight….

Man:  Hi!  I’m DOG! hahahaha!

woman date: (to herself) (I wonder where the fire exit is?)

*The preceding blog was written about a time when Doug and I were Both separated for 2 years and both seeing other people.  It is not intended to condone any extra marital dating.  If anything, it’s proof that you should stick with your spouse!  There’s no one out there!

Forum Destination: No where

You got issues!  So do I. 

 Everyone has issues with something. 

 That is to say, a subject that makes them passionate enough to argue or debate with strangers on the internet. 

 Hiding behind a keyboard we dispense clever witiscms about the candidates for election, sports, religion, and pop culture. I think we just like arguing. 

 What I find so ridiculous about these kinds of discussions is that no one person’s opinion is changed by the mere verbal sparring between two parties with opposing sides.  I mean have you ever been on a forum page and suddenly the topic at hand is addressed by someone like this: 

 ”well, now I see your point exactly!  Thankyou for changing my mind on this subject!”  Nope.  People just continue to argue over and over down through the whole thread until eventually they are attacking each other’s character, lives, family, upbringing.  You name it.  It’ s pointless. 

People do NOT change opinions lightly or quickly in life.

  IMHO, you have to have a life changing experience before an opinion is changed or a cause is born.  ie. an atheist converted to Christianity.   a democrat converted to republican.  A hunter converted to rally for stiffer gun controls.  That type of conversion is born only of a life altering epiphany.

  Still, I noticed that forums and even blog threads are full of passionate people sharing opinions that no one will be changed by.

 (by the way, arguing with other commenters in a blog thread is just silly.  The blog belongs to the person who wrote it!  It is not a place to bicker)

 Every one has an opinion about something that moves them!  Better we channel this energy into creating something.  There are causes out there that would be better served by you than arguing on some forum, where nobody listens to anyone except to their own voice.

Lip twiddle

Sometimes, I look at the keyboard and think that there is absolutely nothing on my mind that I want to write about now.  Tonight is one of those nights but  in keeping with trying to discipline myself,  I still will visit and jot a couple things down before i hopefully head off to bed early.    I haven’t felt great for 2 or 3 days now and this morning getting up felt like torture.  So I do not wish to repeat the torture tommorrow A.M. by staying up too late again.

Doug is in the bedroom snoooorrrrinnnggg now.  Snoring in general has always had the catching effect of making me sleepy, just like a yawn does with folks.  If I hear snoring, it’s a sure bet I’ll be trying to catch a nap.  Years ago, I worked nights in the hospital on a medical surgical ward.  It was torture for me to remain

awake while watching and listening to patient’s snoring. Well, when I am lying next to Doug, his snoring is so loud, NO ONE can sleep!  He has various snores but his most used snore is what I call the “blow hole” snore.

(Yes, blow hole, like a whale.  Think Moby Dick.)

 he will snort in air thru his nose and blow it out of his mouth loudly.  (hrrroink! shuuuuuuuuuuu!)  Once when he did this I was on the phone with my oldest daughter.  I mentioned to her that dad was snoring but his breath wasn’t exactly a treat that night.  She told me to drop a tic tac in his mouth. 

One thing I can say for Doug.  He is the politest person when I wake him up to complain.  I used to “twiddle” his lips with one finger. Okay twiddle is not the best word but I think you can envision it right?  He just wakes up and I say, “Doug, Doug. You’re snoring!  Can you roll onto your stomach?”  He just says, “huh? huh?  Okay….” and does it.   Then he is still up and at ‘em at 4 a.m. to play Army.

Whatta guy!

 

Holding pattern

 

 

Can it please be MAY already??  We just spent April in a hole in the wall waiting for our house to be ready. It’s getting old.  The irony is normally I would KILL to have this much alone time during the day. Thank God for the internet  The hole is reasonably priced, and pretty spacious as hotels go.  But we just racked up a whopping 750 dollars for the WEEK.  And that is just for the room.  Not even including food.

  We all have learned to eat differently in here.  Cereal and oatmeal, ramen noodles, sandwhiches.  Then at night we have “dinner”  I usually try to eat my big meal at breakfast.  If we must go out, like this evening, (wendy’s)  I do “hyper portion control”  (kid’s meal sizes for me, with a salad and cheeseburger the size of a quarter)  The good thing is I couldn’t even finish my soda and that is a GREAT sign, for a soda-holic~if you’re northern you say “pop”

  Awake late again, I am sufficiently tired to go to bed, just fighting sleep.  It makes me wonder if I fought sleep as a child.  Oh, and I finished crocheting my baby blanket.  I used to crochet a dozen or more of these because someone was always having a baby!  Well ya know?  I am just too impatient to do a grand ol afghan. 

As you can see, this one is probably for a girl.  I’ll do a boy one next.  I usually look for patterns in the store and do the patterns i like.  But this is the first time I did one totally with my design and pick of colors.  Big “A” doesn’t like the fact that the color pattern of the granny squares is not in some sort of orderly way.  She is a little obsessive compulsive about stuff.  I’ve noticed that in her dad too. 

Well, off to bed.  I’m really not feeling well.   Peace to you and yours tonight.

 

Improve yourself or die trying

Progress.  The funny thing about progress is that it takes someone willing to do something they haven’t  done before to get where they haven’t gone before.  Now, don’t think I’m getting all deep and philosophical today. I have made this progress doing something called trying to get into shape! 

 I know that I’ve done something I haven’t done before because it HURTS.

  I have muscles under my armpits.  I know this because I did pushups~20 of them. 10 hours later, it felt like someone slugged me under my armpits with a bat. Ditto for triceps.

  I have a whole floor workout that works all my muscles, using nothing but my own body weight as resistance. 

  I’ve cut down to one can of cola a day, compared with 4 or 5.  I drink water now.  Enough water to really confuse my bladder.  It’s thinking, “Okay, what’s with this water crap!”  Are you trying to confuse me?”

 

  We excercised as a family Sunday afternoon.  I fast walked 2 miles, while Doug ran circles around me.  It was a very nice track on post. 

 Again, really confused my body:  “So you think you’re a pro now huh?  Get back on that couch and give me some Coca Cola!” 

I can already see a difference.  My belly fat has retreated a tad.  My thighs don’t jiggle as much.  My pants don’t scream, “Dang, is there two of you in here!?” 

 Little “A” who is a tad overweight for a 9 year old did a great job excercising.  She has been known to polish off 2 or 3 bowls of cheeto’s at a time.  If there is candy or hubba bubba around, she will hunt it down like a crack addict, no matter where it is hidden.

 All in all, I’m very satisfied to see results so quickly.  I never was a big eater so I have to assume that cutting out all soda, french fries, and sweets shaved off enough calories to see this progress already.

  I eat my biggest meal in the morning and little to nothing at night. I will have to eventually add cardio, even though fast walking is good excercise.  I hate cardio.  But I hate playing with my kids and getting out of breath even more. 

 

 

 

 

Looking at the family watch dog site

www.familywatchdog.us

I tried it out on 3 addresses.  One mine, one former one of mine, and Doug’s parents address.

  Each time the screen popped up, the little colored squares represented sexual crimes against a child.

  Each time my jaw dropped a little. There were soooo many.

  Criminals living and working around the places I’ve lived, around loved one’s homes. 

 What does it say about society?  I think maybe with the registering of the names and faces, should also come a mandatory rehabilitation program.  Rehabilitation from the obvious sexual addiction these men have.

  In all probability, the addiction to pornographic materials begot and fueled the catalyst for the deeper sexual offenses to come. 

 Either way, I had no idea before someone showed me “little colored boxes” how many people had been convicted of touching, raping and sodomizing children.

Think about it.  How many have NOT been caught.

something to pray about today.

Who’s your neighbor???? This is scary but real

www.FamilyWatchDog.us      
 
When you visit this site you can enter your address and a map will pop up with your house as a small icon of a house.  There will be red, blue and green dots surrounding your entire neighborhood.  When you click on these dots a picture of a criminal will appear with his or her home address and the description of the crime h e or she has committed.

The best thing is that you can show your children these pictures and see how close these people live to your home or school.

This site was developed by John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted.  This is another tool we can use to help us keep our kids safe.

Please pass this on!!!!  I checked it out with my address and it really works!

Though it is scary, it is a great tool to help keep your family safe

Sunday Photo Essay~Watery expedition

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I know photo essay means few words should have to be used to tell the story but….

This cool, clean water has been forsaken by me for years in favor of sweet, syrupy, coca cola.  Tis a shame but I’ve been casting Cola by the wayside lately, and who wouldn’t?  Look at it!  Refreshing.

Little “A” distances herself from the soup.  Not entirely a shock that she wouldn’t eat her stir fried veggies later on either!

She plays in the fountain happily afterward.

These little runners had no ummmm. “equipment” down south. 

Big and little “A”.  I don’t know why they are frowning, they ASKED me to take this photo!

My favorite shot of all today.(okay I just love fish)  The huge rounded aquarium.  It just makes it look like a shot of Earth that is all water sort of like marine life artist, Wyland.

The tulips were just watered lovingly by God himself.

A necessary evil???

What would you think if you went to taste the sugar in your coffee one morning and someone switched it for salt?  Would you be shocked?  Surprised?  Cranky?  Would it ruin your whole day?  So then how do you feel when people with normally sweet dispositions run into what I’ll just call “Houston we have a problem!”  situations, and they like, totally react  WRONG, man!

Today on a program, which I’ll admit was one of those programs which require little to no brain matter to digest, I watched in fascination, as a preacher was punched almost unconscious by a man in the congregation who had crept up to the altar during altar call.  The punch was no light tap!  Yet the preacher calmly recovered, rubbed his face where he’d been hit and went directly to the pulpit.  “Well, praise God”  he said, “That man will know Jesus” or something like that.  He harbored no ill will and never once lashed out or pressed charges.

I was impressed!! It was a sign of GREAT strength. 

Will I remember that the next time someone provokes me or my family?  Will I remember that this IS the way God chose(according to His Word), for Christians to react? 

I remember several years ago when little “A” was young and I was driving somewhere with her in the car seat.  I got vocal with a driver who did something stupid, and I said out loud, “You idiot!”  From the backseat, I heard my child echo , “You idiot!”   From that time on I was very restrained as to which of my thoughts got verbalized.

But within the last few years it’s been a totally different story.  

 Recently, My big “A” had come home crying.  She and a friend were inside the pool gate, to which no one can go without a key.  It was their place where they like to lay out on the chairs even though it was winter. Well, they were approached by a man who was 21, who began coming on to them.  He said things like, “how old are you?”  “I bet your mom would be mad if she knew you were talking to me”  “You’re so hott I thought you were 20″  “Come here” etc…  When they became afraid they started walking away.  Then the JERK jumped the pool fence and began fast walking to them, saying, “give me a minute”  “c’mon over here”  The girls ran and used their key to get inside the fitness room, escaping out the front door and running home unnoticed.

Later, When big “A” identified HIM, I went to the street and confronted him.  He was with about 5 other guys and 3 other girls.  Once I asked him how old he was, it was on.  I let loose with tons of threats, yelling, and basically trying to step to the punk, and inflict a beating on him with my hair brush of all things. In the end, I called the police and made a report but  I kept thinking WHAT IF he’d actually touched my daughter?

My reaction was pretty quick and angry.  Not like the preacher on T.V.  and I admit I seldom am calm in “Houston we have a problem” situations.  I’ve taken the approach that many will find familiar.  Step on or be stepped on.  Is it a necessary evil?  The way the world is today, more emotional “punches” come than EVER before.  Should I adjust my attitude?  Does it really take more “strength” to ignore people’s abuse?  IT Does. God please give me that strength!!! 

“You’re Stupid”

Categorically  not the worst criticism I’ve received but because of this I must now approve all comments before they can be posted.( Clearly NOT stupid. )I apologize for the inconvenience to regular readers.  I guess I deserved the two-word criticism ( from someone who is clearly a three year old who got a hold of his parents keyboard,) for not placing tighter restrictions on my blog!