Hey fellow bloggers let’s have some fun reading my email shall we?   I don’t know why but it seems I get one of these about every day in my inbox, so instead of ignoring them, I thought we’d ”answer” them on line.  Best ”answer” wins!  (I know, I have WAY too much time on my hands)  I believe in everyone’s right to free speech here in nigeria America, so let’s give this all the dignity it deserves, eh?  Who knows?  It may even become a separate feature here!  This is real email I got today.  It reads:

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK YOUR ENTIRE ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THESE HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISH TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH

SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR.PRESIDENT,UMARU YAR’ADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA AND FBI.

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM IS FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS PER DAY, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUNDS DEPARTMENT CARD PAYMENT CENTER. YOUR CODE OF CONDUCT IS (ATM-822) YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

MRS. LINDA HILL ON HER EMAIL
ADDRESS: lindahill01@live.com
AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION:

1. YOUR FULL NAME
2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
3. COUNTRY/ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD
4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT USD6.8MILLION AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2008. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(S) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT.

KINDEST REGARDS,

MR. DAVID MARK.
SENATE PRESIDENT.

 

NOTE: DO NOT REPLY TO: jamie.mcguire@snc.edu
FARWARD ALL REPLY TO: lindahill01@live.com

 

 Answer:

 

Dear Mr. Mark,

        I am greatly relieved to hear that my inheritance fund is still intact. I’m amazed at how no one can die in America without Nigeria being notified.

 Wow, I should give those “none” officials at my bank a call!   They’re in the “habit” of losing paperwork lately!  (sorry, I couldn’t resist) and since you have arranged my payment  with the FBI, Please just go ahead and forward all of YOUR information to them:

   Federal Bureau of Investigation
    935 Pennsylvania Ave, NW
    Washington, DC 20535

 

Sincerely,

Donna T.  Wannebeasucker

Phone/Fax:   (217) 522-9675. Office of the FBI

Country:  The smartest country in the world, remember? 

AGE: Nunya

Occupation: FBI agent 007