I have to stop myself sometimes and remind my brain why I began writing this series of posts about my own abuse.
If I didn’t remind myself of exactly what finally started the series, all of the posts might come off just a tad jaded, bitter, and unforgiving.
Sweetiegirlz is not unforgiving.
After all that has happened to me through out my life, I not only forgave but find a true balance between allowing even someone so close to me as the Punisher, and living my life stress free.
I thought all was pretty much settled. Until the latest email… Dated November 4. That is what burned within me for days.
It came on the computer. I read it. I cried. I saw red. I was furious.
It’s author, the Punisher.
After all these years still knows and can pull the string representing my heart and the Punisher can still break it.
That is why I finally decided.
The best way to help the situation to do the most good is if someone reads this and realizes:
You are no longer a prisoner.
You are no longer defeated just because someone else said
or continues to say that You are defeated.
You are not what (fill in blank with your punisher’s name here) says You are!
You truly can be free from all the punishment and all the years that the Punisher made you and everyone else think you were the one going mad.
I cannot publish ALL of this letter because half was directed at someone else. If you have not read the other posts, here, please do read them at your leisure. I cannot guarantee that this letter will make any sense to you otherwise:
November 4, 2008
(in the punisher’s words)
I can say now, that we do forgive you, for your part. I related to the family the truth! That you were alwys a head strong kid who never understood WHO was in charge.
And for physical punishment, it was totally accepted in the days when parents and the law were not liberal and clueless. (like today)
I POINTED OUT TO THEM THAT YOU TWO WERE VERY SIMILAR IN PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER, AT THE TIME. NOT THE CASE ANYMORE. YOU WERE NEVER IN DANGER, RENEE, EVEN THO YOU FORCED US TO GET DAMN TOUGH AT TIMES.
We also believed in persistance and control over the minor children was a parents duty. Most of your punishment were in your room, or grounded later on.
That you were NOT a cooperative person, did not ever obey us without some form of protest or revenge tactic. That you were rebellious & basically our problem child. And problem children DO lie and try to get others to sympathize…and you know you did this a lot….
So even after you were older, later on in years, you would do or say things that were not true…so basically your attitude was like________ “tell lies until other people listen” or seek revenge, whatever a liberal can do to win.
I told people how things have changed, how Renee is not a liberal minded nut anymore, how we changed about certain things…
although we still believe raising kids according to liberal ways is HOW this country created so many criminals and rowdy, lawless brats on the streets and in the schools. And there is much in the Bible that backs up our beliefs too.
After all, look what God does to people when they are “naughty”… We could never begin to do that as humans. He’s tough!
Plus, I straightened out these people from what their “Old Bag” mother was telling them about abusing you as a mere baby!
NOT SO! You were two [years old] and you were doing your usual crap, literally, all over the walls, Well you got your little ass beat and then a bath to clean it up. THIS IS NOT ABUSE! ABUSE IS “UNNECESSARY” TREATMENT WHICH GOES OVERBOARD” ANYHOW, nothing ever came of this even thoug_________called the authorities…
In a separate email, the punisher writes:
I do want to CLARIFY that you may “look” at the childhood as a bad one , but you did have pretty pathetic problems that had to be dealt with in the way we DID (including hard measures and extremes) We did resent the fact that you had to seek revenge a lot.
AS FOR US, GOD FORGAVE US FOR “ANYTHING” WE DID IN OUR LIVES…SO AS AR AS WE ARE CONCERNED “IT NEVER HAPPENED” AND GOD WILL BACK US UP ON THAT…THE SAME WITH YOU AND ALL YOUR WRONG DOINGS, tHEY NEVER HAPPENED! AMEN!
(end of email)
Come now, someone give me a cyber hug!!!
I need several in fact because I really despise that email with every fiber of my being.
The punisher continues to be able to hurt with (lies) mere words and go on like it is nothing.
Tommorrow, I will tell you what I have done about all this and plan to do in the future…
Hugs and kisses tonight to anyone who’s been through similar abuse with someone. You aren’t crazy. You deserve healing, and you have a friend in me and God.
♥SG
ermmm…. speechless really, what can you say about that?! *frowns*… ((BIG HUGS))!!!
(((((Huuugggss)))))))
HAHAHAHA!!!
Someone’s been drinking too much of the Rush Limbaugh kool-aide!
Did you coun’t how many times the word liberal was used as if it were some kind of an insult rather than it’s proper usage as a political leaning? aparently someone hasn’t been associating the things they believe in and how they matched up with Bush’s policies over the last 8 years and how well that has been working out for all of us.
This person is an extremist and extremists LOVE to overstate any small detail, exagerate it and blow it WAY out of context to make some minor point about something nobody cares about. You gotta love these people and how they have the energy to point fingers as people – but never seem to take any action to HELP people. To me, that is not a matter of being liberal or conservative or christian or athiest as much as it is about being greedy or not. But I’m getting off topic.
The point is – how sad is their life that they have nothing better to do than try to control other people? And the more they try to control people, the more they discover they have no real power – it’s all an illusion. Want to know the secret to power? People don’t want to have other people get angry with them. So the people who believe they need power start to get angry with you to try to control you. But it all evaporates when you laugh at how silly they are to get angry over something so small. Seriously – The Punisher is ANGRY? Over WHAT? Something that happened DECADES ago?! HAHAHAHA!! Thats like me still being mad that my mom got a red light on the way home from the supermarket when I was 3.
How about directing some of that anger into USEFUL energy – like starting a website for your community to help people (see http://communityville.com) or start a non-profit org to save a historic site (see http://lakenorconianclub.org) or donating time/money/blood to something like the Red Cross, or going through your stuff to find things to donate to the california fire victims, or about a BILLION other things than try to become the best control freak on your block with. Oh yea – I’ve done all of the above with my time. And once you have a good, helpful purpose in life, you find people who get bent about tiny things to be very funny. I’m always laughing at customers who try to give a clerk a hard time over something stupid. They are in the same category – small people who try to control everything around them rather than working with the system to make everyone have a better life.
We had a guy at work who was a control freak and wanted a computer update that has been known to cause some problems. It was an iTunes update. I let him know it causes problems and if he wasnt having any problems, maybe he should skip it, but if he were having some kind of problem, let me know so we can work it out. He flipped out stopped replying to me and went crying to upper management that he could not get his iTunes update – which wasn;t the case as I was just confirming what problem we were trying to fix and letting him know we’ve had problems and didn’t want his program to break and not work at all.
Normally I do this update on the spot once we determine what we are trying to fix. But he never replied to me and went to management instead, so it took a WEEK to get resolved – AND – here’s the funny part – UPPER MANAGEMENT NOW WANTS iTunes REMOVED from all future installs!
Moron. Had he just answered the simple question of what problem he was having he would have had the update and everyone would have gotten to keep their iTunes. Way to go, control freak! hahaha!
Here’s a big cyber hug, and I am truly appalled that emails like that accepting no responsibility for horrible actions can be written. Hopefully by posting this you are helping someone else too…it makes a difference!
Big Hugs to you, my friend! I have no words, just hugs!
alexbettylou and “L”~ Thankyou.:-)
Rich~I’m feeling your comment. Thankyou. I think you understood the whole series better than a lot of people. I gave this person a chance to say what they feel and really the punisher’s words while ludicrous represent just what you said they do: anger and control. Re: your co-worker’s faux pas: I’ll bet any amount of money, it takes several dozen of these episodes before that person will learn from their experience, if at all. Thank you as always, for weighing in…
Romi~Thanks for hugs, gurl.
I hope someone will read and just realize they don’t have to put up with abuse, for years OR for a minute…
Dobegil~That’s all I needed too. Thankyou. There’s still a prologue coming to this story. I want people to know the WHOLE reason for liberating.
Seriously, Renee. This is not an email you should despise. As loathesome as it is, and it is all that, it is a gift to you. This is a note, concrete proof, that your mom is not well and has never been a healthy person. This is tirade and self justification of a mentally ill person who happens to have been your mother. It is pitiful. It is also typical of mental illness. Delusional, Accusatory, Irrational, Wrapped in the Bible, demonizing a 2 year old as if they were 42 and not 2, it is all there, Renee. Your abusive history you do not have to have her confirm in order to know it’s true.
What may be harder is to accept that she sounds like a very seriously ill person. Not one who makes choices or can truly ever know anyone close to her.
If you passed an unknown person, someone on the street, ranting and raving at you, would you take it personally?
No, of course, not.
Unfortunately, that person is your mother. She does not know you but is consumed with anger at you.
You need to look at her not as your mother for she was never that in the true sense of the word, but as an ill person. She won’t be able to hurt you anymore if you no longer expect her to be a mother.
I hope this series has helped others and you.
Thank you, truly, Pat. Your words are comforting and 100 percent true. This will be the last time that the Punisher will ever, EVER catch me off guard again with my feelings. Thank you for weighing in, friend from across the country…