Weekly Humor Photo~and other crazed working mom thoughts

*and yes,  this is someone’s real car I found while out taking pictures.

 

Simply a blinking cursor night.   I don’t really know sometimes what i want to write. 

Sometimes I feel like my deep journal thoughts don’t matter.  As in, it doesn’t matter really what I did today, how I lived, i’m just another spoke in the wheel of humanity.    Life went pretty normal today. 

 

 

 As per the usual my furry canine children are animated and a bit miffed that I paused to put on clothes first before opening the door for them.

  

   So I struggled through a morning of paperwork and stomach growling.    Ate well at lunch, the gurlz were great today, and I ran my 2 miles at dusk on the track.   There were a few kids there today. 

 

 

 They interfered with my mojo.  Young kids dumped out my water bottle on purpose!! 

 

 

  Then a child riding a bike on the track,  not knowing proper track ettiquette I suppose  decided he had the right of way, even if I  changed lanes while running,  any lane was his lane.

 

 

 argggghh!  *sigh* if it’s not MY kids it is someone elses. 

 

 

 So here I sit.  and there’s pleasure in the sitting, and I know life is good. 

 

 

 I don’t like facing the mornings.  The childlike “room wrecking” fairies come and play at night.  They leave empty snicker’s wrappers (fun size) on my living room floor.

  They play guitar hero until dawn’s early light, letting the guitar teeter forlornly  on the edge of my sofa pillows, which are always on the floor.

 (if I told the kids, they were “floor” pillows would they then put them on the couch?)

 

 

 There are mysterious crafty creations made out of cardboard, and markers and toilet paper rolls.  

Yes those night fairies, they just love tortilla chips and cheese.   

“Love” letters to my family this weekend

i know ya’ll gonna think I’m crazy.  But I really DO love you… (shut up, I DO!)  but sometimes,  you really put the D in Disfunctional.  Like this weekend for instance.    I remember the next door neighbor in Hawaii a few years ago.  How she went into the backyard and yelled at her family, “I want my life back!!!”    This weekend, I kinda see her point.

 

To Big A: 

Screwing up 20 minutes before you get off  grounding is stupid.  It’s your own fault that you are grounded again.  

 Thou shalt NOT have boys in the house (or anyone else)  while mom and dad are at work.  (calling your mom “Sexist”  will NOT get you ungrounded.)

 

When I am in my room, and the door is locked, please don’t open it with a butter knife.  That is called tempting fate.

 

Telling your mother she is PMS-ing is ALSO tempting fate.

When the dogs have to go out to pee, they w-h-i-n-e and go to the door. 

They do not approach you and say, “excuse me Miss, will you please let us out to piss?”

 

Do NOT wipe the “accident” up with my good white  bath towel!

 

Not loading the dishwasher when told to do so is silly.  When I was a kid, I did dishes by hand.  wash, dry with a towel and put away.  You have life so good right now my daughter.   I am NOT coming to your house when you get older.  I know you will be serving me stale cereal in dirty bowls. 

 

To Little A:

 

Please stop leaving your clothes every where.  I don’t know if they are clean or dirty.  Leaving them NEXT TO the hamper on the floor doesn’t count.   

Don’t call me on the phone at work and ask for Burger King chicken nuggets everyday for lunch.   Don’t call me on the phone at work and tell me how Big A hurt your feelings.  Don’t call me on the phone at work and tell me Trudy ate a worm.

 

 

  Don’t call me at work…

 

 

Your bedtime during summer hours is 11…… PM!!!!

 

 Not 11  in the morning the next day. 

 

 Your bed is UPSTAIRS in your bedroom.  Not on my couch.   I’m tired of seeing drool stains on my couch every morning.

 

Just because we buy drinks in a pouch, that doesn’t mean you get to hand them out to the whole neighborhood.    If you give one to your friend, then along come five little kids saying “I didn’t get one”  that is NOT your cue to pass them all out.  we give to the needy not the greedy.

 

Guitar hero is a fun distraction, not your full time job.  What daddy DIDN’t tell you when he bought it was, if you play it more than 6 hours in a row, your fingers turn to wood and fall off.  they do.   Now go make your bed, and throw away all those flattened drink pouches on the floor.

 

To HIM: 

You cannot come up with dinner, or lunch conversation anymore. 

or conversation…  unless it’s about the Army.  I really think you should marry your job.

Oh wait… you already are.

 do not start talking about  the fact that you can’t remember if a certain person is a certain rank, in the Army yet, during the most inopportune private time ever!    It is not Attention Deficit Disorder, like you said, 

  it is you…being an ASS.

Asking me to sing cadence with you while we take a walk on Sunday morning  is also you being an ASS. 

Telling me “fine.  I don’t need you, I’m a Sergeant First Class”  is ALSO being an Ass.

Getting mad at me for getting mad at you for getting mad at me…is ALSO being an A-S-S.

I think this little piece of advice will help you… a lot.

When in doubt, STFU!

  Buy her lots of chocolate. 

 PMS-ing does NOT happen 30 days in one month, there is a true reason for her getting upset with you sometimes.

  Don’t use the word Horny. 

 I’m sorry goes a long way with me.

  The Army is just a “thang”.  Your wife is forever.

Sunday Photo Essay~Touch of Eden in Kansas

 

There’s no one method to Sweetiegirlz’s Photo essays.   Going out on the weekend to shoot photos often involves just getting in the car and driving until I see or feel a place calling my name.

  which is what happened when we drove by the beautiful,  Homestead Greenhouse,   in Leavenworth Kansas.

It’s front was amazingly adorned with flowering baskets lining the top of a quaint fence. 

  Inside the grounds, the eyes don’t know where to roam first. 

 There is beauty…and it’s everywhere.

  We soon found ourselves in a botanical bonanza.  There were also loving caretakers everywhere, misting plants, moving things, tidying up, arranging,  and  smiling at us. 

 I talked at length with a very VERY patient lady, Becky, who helped me decipher some of the care of certain plants. 

 I really hadn’t had time to plant anything at all, with working full time and all. 

 ”Plants hate coming to my house” I tell Becky, “I kill everything”  

 Nevertheless, she did suggest a few for me, and I could’ve bought them all!  That’s how beautiful they all were.  Well, you’ll see for yourself won’t you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I had my way, this waterfall would be in my living room…

 

 

*even in black and white, this creature shows why it’s name means royalty.

Juggling Is Only Fun When You’re at the Fair

*a juggler from the Kansas City Chalk and Walk festival last weekend.   I had fun talking with him.  He says that people always ask him if he juggles bowling balls, or flaming things, or knives.  The answer is ‘no’, he does not. 

 

The camera battery died right at the start of the ceremony this morning.

   A room full of important people. 

 I think I might’ve said “phuck” out loud I don’t know. 

 But in any case,  I had a hunch this morning to bring my OWN camera to work at the last minute!  Why I never follow these hunches is beyond me!

  So,  I went out of the room.  No sense pretending to take pictures right?  I mean the Big Guy only gets a  medal once in a career right?  (yes. unfortunately yes.)  I wanted to cry…  (arrggghhh) 

  Another Officer came out to the place where I had tried unsuccessfully to hide. 

 ”They’re kind of waiting on you to take pictures.”  he tells me. 

 I put on my big girl panties:  “camera is dead.  Please, see if so and so can get a camera.  I can’t do anything with this one” 

 Somehow a camera is found.  Life went on.  This wasn’t the first faux pas this morning. 

  Out of about 20 important things we were responsible for, one had a typo, I had to type another at the last minute and have it signed

 (picture Sweetie running into big wig office breathless “will you sign this”  yada yada)  I think it would have made a good deodorant commercial.  How to screw up under pressure…lol.  

  Then  someone insisted some other paperwork was missing when it wasn’t.  So rush rush, find the paper, or rather NOT find the paper. 

  “Oh Sweetiegirlz  we have it ,we do have it, we have it, nevermind…”   sure.  easy for them to say.  They weren’t sweating their hiny’s off!  

  I think I am too old for this… 

Bigger Than Me

 

I dove into the mighty ocean without a moments hesitation of rip currents, jelly fish, sharks,  rogue waves,  barely passable swimming capabilities, or salt water stinging my eyes.

I can do this.

I got on a bus and joined a man’s army at  barely 18. 

I can do this.

I lived in a foreign country without a lick’s worth of the language under my belt.  I paid my rent in a foreign currency, caught public transportation, even managed to make a few friends.

I can do this.

I made my home in a drug and gang infested neighborhood in southern California for 2 years without a car. 

I can do this.

 

It’s bigger than me.  Yes, like concrete and steel that is intimidating and forceful and presents yet another obstacle on the way to my steely determination to get to my passion in life.

I ordered business cards today.

Next stop :  Portfolio and then some formal classes

 

Incase you were wondering,  “Image Artist”  is what I’ll be calling myself. 

Okay, just humor me anyway!!

Photos:More from Master Lego sculpture artist Nathan Sawaya

Here are some more sculptures from Lego brick artist Nathan Sawaya at http://www.brickartist.com/   Please  see this tour live if you can. Currently it is free and available to the public in Kansas City, crown center plaza. 

 

 

 

 

Humor Photo of the week~to prep you for the chick rant

*a dumpster is somehow, not so “trashy” when it smiles back at you.

 

 

Yes, well, among other things I spent a relatively painful evening flopping like a fish trying to get comfortable on my bed.  I had a pain in my right side back.  It persisted. 

  I whined.

  Doug rubbed my back.  

It got worse.

 

Doug insisted having sex would make it all better  that we go to the emergency room. 

He got mad when I did neither.

  I finally took some 800 mg. motrin and an anti-anxiety med.  when I woke up, it was gone, and I was groucheeee. 

 Not like Oscar the grouch… more like Oscar the Bitch. 

 

  No sleep and Sweetiegirlz = a bad cocktail.

  

  At work,  the day before, I had 200 time cards waiting to be punched in the computer.    Almost 10 minutes after we opened for business, a staff member brought a person to be inprocessed to me.

 

 

   Now usually I am very nice.  (stop laughing, I AM!) 

 but this person didn’t notice the time cards or my 20  other things I had to do in no particular order.

  My supervisor however would be coming in within a few minutes and I knew she’d have time to inprocess her.  I begged off, asking the staff member to bring back the new person in 20 minutes at 8 a.m.  

  She’d handed me a couple of ID cards a moment earlier, and now LIL miss unprofessional snatches them back out of my hand

“You know what!! she went off, “I don’t understand why you can’t inprocess someone, we’re paying this lady to do NOTHING for 30 minutes while she could be inprocessing.” 

 Not only did she say this in front of the new person, but she also caught my boss at the door, who apparently didn’t give her a satisfactory answer because she repeated what she’d said to me, and more mean things,  and then walked out in a huff.  

The Evil twin  in me wanted to stand on top of my desk and launch myself at her like the WWE main event, but I’m not a fan of getting fired, so I sat there… with my mouth open. 

  20 minutes people!!!  that’s how long “MISS UnProf” would’ve had to wait. 

  20 minutes.  Go get a cup of coffee and some Xanax.  You need it. 

 trust me.  You do.

   Today, the next day, Miss thing scowled at me in the hall.  People are soooo sweet until they perceive some pissin off has been done to them, eh?  cue the O’jays music*BACK STABBERS
(What they do!)
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers) 

 

Not only did miss “UN” then go to my Boss’s boss and complain,  she neglected to tell my boss’s boss how unprofessional she was in front of this new person (twice)  how’s that for leaving shit out of a conversation? 

 

 

So much dang drama in this place.  Crap.so then today the back pain came back…  

 

 

And there is Me at the desk.  whining.  Finishing time cards.  Went home to sleep for 2 hours before my appointment.

 

  They took X-rays.  They wanted Pee.

 

  And I know I blogged this before, but it is so very weird to be treated medically by people you know very well.

  I mean you get treated great but it’s a little weird for me, gotta tell ya… 

 

They see you at your desk,  next thing they see you in an x ray gown. 

  They go over paperwork with you about their career,

 the next thing, you’re handing them your pee in a cup… very weird.  

 

 

We went swimming this evening.  It was a nice change of pace.   the four of us.  relaxing in the water, the day behind us. 

 Tranquility is a hard drug to find. 

You will find a Pisces near the pool

   

Knee deep in the deep sea and if she can’t be… then she’ll be here. 

 Imagining the waves of the North Shore of Oahu settling her mind… from the day’s troubles.

 

 

Every Super Mommy needs a sidekick.

 

 

Is this the “burning man” ceremony in the desert? lol.  He actually didn’t stay out long.  We went in the evening…

Photos~A “must see” talented Artist made these

This tour can currently be seen free of charge in Kansas City, in the Crown Center Plaza.  It is a MUST see.  For you will not believe your eyes at what gifts are given to people at birth to do these things. 

 

http://www.brickartist.com/  Please go see this tour if you can… Ultra talented Nathan Sawaya lego brick artist.  We were blown away by the pieces.

 

 

A mom’s worst fear, what’s yours?

and here’s the mommy’s worst fear: 

that she will end up with a kidney stone, agonizing in right flank back pain, and ambulance driver might see the living room that her 10 year old has trashed

 which incidentally contains a spatula,

 her wet towel from swimming,

 an empty popcorn bag

 a basket of dirty laundry she “didn’t hear” her mom say to fold,

 an abandoned tortilla (abandoned in favor of the waffles she made at 2 a.m. while mom was writhing in agony)

the T.V. that was left on all night

empty soda cans on my wood entertainment center

 

 and every last one of her couch pillows strewn all over the floor. (there was more, but i was so flabbergasted this morning I had to resist the urge to duct tape her to the couch just for kicks)

 

thank God the pain finally went away.

Now to deal with my party animal….

 

 

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and again I say, there’s some VERY sick people out there:

 

Today

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There are no,  I REPEAT NO  plungers being used as sex toys or dead victorian babies on Sweetiegirlz.  Go AWAY!!

 

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It was 99 degrees here today.

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Enjoy the rest of your work week.