” We think you are far too sensitive…”

      A day when I want to put M & M’s on my sandwhich, have deep fried everything, and eat cheeseburgers for all three meals. 

 A day when even minimal tasks seemed maximal. and the hours dragged on at work. 

 First, it is Friday.  Fridays at work in my office drag on and on and on….I can also  gage the hours by my co-worker’s habits.  At precisely 10 a.m. she gets her change out and go buys a coke.  She’ll always ask me if I want one.  I usually say no, because I’ve had my own gallon-o-coke by then at breakfast. 

 She goes to her “snack” cupboard where all kind of oatmeal bars exist.  nutrigrain, crackers with peanutbutter, etc…  She washes her hands after, putting on lotion very deliberately rubbing it in, I think she counts how many times she rubs it in.  

  Later on, closer to the afternoon, she will ask what doug and I have planned for the weekend.  (nothing, thanks for asking how bout you is my answer)  

Ladies, did you ever have your “heavy” day at work?  Well, okay, and that was today too.  cramps up the wazoo.  hormone headache and this:  the ”2nd email”

 I got another one from the Punisher today.  It embodied the very meaning of suckiness.   Some people know how to write great poetry…this person knows how to write great poison.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An EXCERPT from the 2nd email:

“It just sounds like your full intentions were

 to go to ___________ ONLY.

 And we have heard that before about

………. But when people say we want to make no plans, 

they usually mean they have no intention of spending

any time with another person outside of NEUTRAL ground.

 HELLLOOOOO, we are not dumb.

It’s been done before, to us & to others,

 all over the world. “ 

 

***However, if a ride down here to visit & see where we live, etc.

 WITHOUT being escorted or

 guarded by others is not optional,

 then we would say that can work both ways. 

You don’t get it “yet” that relationships are TWO-WAY.***  

  

So maybe, in regard to how you feel,

 & how we would come in last on your

 totem pole measurements, maybe we shouldn’t bother going to ________’s 

& SPOIL everything for everybody.???

 That’s how we feel at the moment….”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I wanted a stress free Thanksgiving vacation visiting my brother and his family in Michigan.  Yes, the Punisher was going to be there.  In theory, i thought I could handle that. 

but when the Punisher started asking questions and getting mean about why we would or wouldn’t be coming to “their” house at some point “alone” .  I freaked. 

 I panicked.  I thought, “I am sooo not ready for this”  the last trip seeing them when Big A was 18 months was so screwd up and the one before that. 

 Basically whenever I am anywhere near the punisher I feel constricted in every sense of the word and like I am somehow back in my kid/teen body experiencing b.s. all over again.   Why would I still want to visit? 

Then, I spoke with my brother who assured me that everything is allright and that my bro and his wife and kids all wanted to have us,  and I felt relieved, and Doug put his foot down too.  So that’s it.  We’re going. 

 

undercurrent

  I have always been able to blog with ease and relative anonymity. 

 

 

  I swore that when people started reading my blog from familiar places, I would NOT put an invisible gag on myself.  I’m keeping this promise to myself. 

 

 

 

  If you have read my blog from way back you know, that I published an 11 part series on my abusive childhood.  It was a crushing series for me to write. 

 Liar-Part 1

Mask-Part 2

Control-Part 3

Oppression-Part 4

Despised-Part 5

Exodus-Part 6

Heroes-Part 7

Expectations-Part 8

Leashed-Part 9

Facades-Part 10

Catalyst-Part 11

 

 I had to purge this past somehow though, and that became the only way I knew how.   Why do you continuously bring it up then, Sweetiegirlz? 

 

 

 

 

Well,  It’s because the “punisher” (the main person who abused me all my life)  is still in my life, tho this person has been at a distance for some time. 

 

 

 

 

 Still, keeping a bunch of miles between us, has not dulled the pain.  It’s like a scar from a severe burn. 

 

 

 

 You look at it every day.  It’s ugly.  It’s there and you cannot deny it happened. 

 

 

 DID THE PUNISHER BURN ME?  No. 

 

 

 But the person did many other worse things, many of them so emotional, it affected me for years and years. I would’ve preferred this person HAD burned me physically.

 

 

  Now,  comes Thanksgiving 2009.  Because of circumstances largely financial and military,  I haven’t seen my younger brother for 7 years. 

 

 

 His family is beautiful.  His children 2 boys and a girl are growing and I have a chance to see them in 12 days, or so.  

 

 

 

 I specifically did not tell the Punisher whom I recently started communicating with again, about my plans.  I wanted it to be a surprise to this person.  a nice surprise, since it has been over 10 years since we saw the Punisher and the “other”.

 

 Well, as things happened, I DID end up telling the punisher, because we were talking about some other family member, and it just came up.

    Today, I got this email (i will not publish it because it is like a knife cut, fresh and open and sore)  from the punisher. 

 

The email does not tell me not to come (it actually is asking will i be able to stop by their home too)

 but it is peppered with stupid remarks about another situation regarding other family member.  It is scathing and irritating and places blame squarely on me, although I am 44 and have had no dealings with anyone for a looonnng time.   The email was almost sounding ‘happy’ that a finger of blame could be extended my way once again and that, that is the nature of a controlling person.  to latch on to that person through any means possible.     

 You see, it was all I could do to just plan on bringing myself into the vicinity of this person at all. 

 

 

     I was beginning to have anxiety attacks just thinking about this.  But my brother’s wife is very welcoming and loving and said that all the children are very excited to see us, and their cousins, big and little A. 

 

   I consider myself a forgiving person.  I don’t like conflict.   In fact I have ran away from the punisher in life, several times because of  “conflict” in general that seems to be at the heart of this person’s agenda/existence/ goal in life/ etc… 

 

 

 

  even with years of counseling, I have not been able to shake the terrible hold that this person has had on me, my whole life.    I will have to see what I can do about not sucumbing to the undercurrent of stress and conflict that is rearing it’s head once again. 

   If this post makes no sense to you,  you can read the 11 part series if you like Soap operas. lol.

  Otherwise what I am posting here now, will not make as much sense. 

 After reading it you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt why I freak out about any shadow of disfunction in my own little family here in Kansas.    I am desperate to raise these gurlz  to do nothing but love life, and each other, and their parents.

Bless this nest with all it’s tangled branches and other thoughts

    It’s tangled branches with seemingly no sense of design, yet built to withstand the winds of life,  the rain of sorrow,  and the cold of seasons changing…

    Blogs to oblige the political correctness in me*  Dear Veterans:  Thankyou… thankyou for spilling your blood.  Thankyou for being far from home.  Thank you for doing without comforts of everyday life.  Thank you for worrying about your loved ones.  Thank you for bearing the burdens, the scars, the responsibility that is war.  Thank you for forging a way for others.  Without You, there is no US and no “U.S.”

~Love Sweetiegirlz

P.S.  I will make an effort to remember you on more than just this one day.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was okay, i guess. It was a mixture of sad and sweet. 

 I was told by someone today, that someone very close to me has cancer.  

  Just another reminder of how vulnerable we are as human beings and how at any time at all our lives can change dramatically, even when there is a positive outcome, there still remains “the changing” part that leaves indelible reminders of times, we don’t care to remember. 

 I think I am fighting the last stubborn stronghold of this virus.  It started up in my head, went to my throat and now today it is making me cough…a lot.  I’m tired but oh so thankful that this day was a day off for me. 

 I slept in until 11 a.m.  Doug marched in the Parade with the “colors” and he had a great time since this year was near perfect weather and last year ugh,  raining and cold. 

Doug had his free dinner from Applebees in recognition of veterans everywhere.  I had soup by my own choice.  ’

  We did a little Christmas shopping early since we plan on going on vacation on thanksgiving and we are taking Christmas presents with us to save on the mailing.  

 Otherwise I would NOT be shopping early. I never did really get in the mood for Christmas until…Christmas.  go figure.  

 While in the store, at least 6 patrons thanked Doug for his service, since he was still in his uniform from the parade.   Proud of him.  I really am.

  Others in the restaurant included some elderly gentlemen, some with canes.  Some wearing their VFW (veterans of Foreign wars) caps.  

 This evening Big A had a couple friends over and we were all in the living room just talking and laughing and having a fun time.  She is not on lockdown anymore, and she can be described as prolly the happiest teen on earth.   I just want her to stay this way:

 

*big A and her best friend*

 

 

*little A guitar hero freak*

 

 

*Big A and her friend that is a boy*

Tommorrow: work.  early.  so, see you all later.  have a great Thursday. (((Hugs)))) SG.

 

 

 

 

Did They or didn’t They? and other Sunday night thoughts

        Our house is on the right.  The one where all the leaves are piled against the house. 

   The neighbor’s house and (clean, leafless yard)   is on the left.

  I’m having a problem deciding:  Did they blow all their leaves onto our yard instead of raking them?  Or is it a coincidence, and the wind blew them all over? 

You, the people must decide.  lol.    (I’m just kidding really, I already know the answer.)  I just thought it was a humorous photo.

 

 

 

 

    Okay, let’s make the question a little harder… 

 

  Let’s play guess the picture. 

Of course it’s photo shopped.  But not very MUCH.  You can trust me.  I wouldn’t lie.   I will show the  original photo if some people guess at it, K?  You might be surprised at what it is.

 

The remodeling of the doll/model house goes on…

  This weekend, I did some custom molding for the kitchen, finished “painting” the walls glidden paint “caffe latte”  color, all 4 walls.  I built a custom molding door frame, and overhang.  and gave the windows some trim…  

 

 

 

   Now i need some advice:

 

     Look at the plastic windows that were built into the wood frame of the house.  They are pretty dirty.  I tried cleaning them and they still appear dingy and a little dirty and some of them are scratched. 

 Like I said,  they are built into the window frame.  So if I wanted them out, I would just have to take them out by cutting with an exacto knife.  

 I feel that dingy windows detract from the house.  What do you think?   are they dirty and scratched enough for me to remove them?

 

 

Here’s an extra picture I took Saturday morning of a goose landing.  the sunrise that early in the morning paints a magnificent goose landing pretty colors.  I enjoyed him very much. 

In about another month or so,  the pond/lake will once again be overflowing/crowded beyond belief with Canadian geese, seeking warmth. 

 I couldn’t help but notice today, that there are plenty of  brand new,  PLEASE DON’T FEED THE BIRDS OR WILDLIFE, Signs about the area now.   

 

I wonder when it changed from last year.  I wondered if someone got bitten. 

 

Proof that they’re evil. *high chick rant warning*

Kids are evil little booger eating minions. 

 Then they hit puberty. 

Once that stage hits, multiply their “shit”nanigans by several times more, and gosh golly gee…don’t we have a great life honey?! 

 Me, you, and these 2 little hormone laden shrews in pint size bodies.  GIRLS.

 

 

  In case you are wondering, Sweetiegirlz has hit the proverbial wall this weekend.    There was no rest for the wicked or the weary (both  describing me, obviously, since I am not the one “resting” my sore throat.) 

 

 

Since Friday, (taking the day off)  Big and Little A had turned me into “angry mime” mom.  since I didn’t want to talk, and only wanted to point angrily, frown deeply and hope they’d get it:  mom needs to rest. 

But that didn’t happen. 

 

 

 that did not.

 

h-a-p-p-e-n.

 

Today sucked with them:

 

Oh sure, I had an early morning of peace.  I got up at 6:30  just as the sun was coming over the horizon, quickly showered, and with still wet hair, and no makeup walked down the street to shoot, more of the nature pond (they call it a lake, but it’s more like a big fishin’ hole).  This time, I left Doug home, perusing facebook.   I just wanted peace.

 

 

  I just wanted pictures of the morning fog over the pond.  Which btw…only happens when there is frost on the ground, and alas, there was no frost.  In fact it was like 50 degrees.  So it was comfortably nippy,  light jacket weather. 

 

 

I got off about 2 good shots, and the rest were all like. “Meh”.   Doug was then willing to go to breakfast with me, and cavort around town in the little shops around town…until he saw the bikers.  “omg, I want to go riding”  which he did when we got home.   

Are you with me so far?  good, you didn’t turn the page. 

 

 

 

  Big A has been the most absolute butt.

  Once her voice goes on “Phuck you mother” mode, it just stays there until I pound some sense into her head. 

  

This girl for one, has a better social life than her dad and I.  She goes bowling, sees movies, goes shopping, hangs out with her friends, one of whom is a dude.   When I told her that she has to come in when Doug and I wanted to go out tonight,  she just freaked out.

  

 She created such a storm that her dad and I didn’t even WANT to go out after that. 

   We explained as in the past, that the rule is:  you are still a kid.  You must stay in the house (no boy allowed) when we are not home! 

Period. 

 

 For her, tho, it is always a question mark followed by eleventy hundred exclamation marks. 

    Like I said,  Doug and I didn’t want to go anywhere after.  he sat at his computer with a frowny face and said “this family makes me sick” 

 

yep.  that’s whaaaat he said.   

anyway,

My voice was strained from yelling at her, and good old Big A to her dad says: 

 ”IM GOING OUT ANYWAY AFTER YOU LEAVE”

 

 

 

        Let’s now insert some comic relief: 

So… needless to say.  Doug is mad at me for as he puts it “being wishy washy” and not going out tonight ‘just to prove something to her’. 

  Big A  is still acting like she owns us, not as parents though, as pets. 

 

 

Last night,  Doug and I were sleeping, he being tired, and I being sick.  Our room was pitch dark…

 I deliberately had turned off the computer right before Big A hit the door on her way in from curfew, so that she wouldn’t turn it on, and talk with her friends, for the next 4 hours, late at night.  

  Sure enough,  I just closed my eyes, when BAM!  my bedroom doorknob hits the wall hard.  She has just busted in and for what? 

 what you say, could be so important that she would risk life and limb to break and enter my most revered sanctuary? 

 

 

HER:  uhhh, yeah.  I just wanted to see if you could turn on the computer?

See what I mean?

  evil. 

 

 

 and Little A OMG, passive-aggressive much? 

 This girl will not do anything without telling her the required 26 and a half times. 

  Of course, she’s very charming while she’s NOT doing what you told her to do 5 hours ago.  Very charming.   

 I made some awesome chicken wings tonight with Korean BBQ sauce, honey, seasoned to perfection.   with steamed rice and a salad.    

 

Little A:  I don’t want to eat chicken, I am not in the mood for it. 

 

 

She proceeds to screw with me for the next 30 minutes, bargaining for waffles instead, promising me she will clean up the kitchen, promising she will eat rice and chicken AFTER her waffles.  yada yada…

Okay.  here’s some more comic relief:

see?  I’m not all about ranting, here. 

 

 

I’m through.  I’m through.

  I sewed for an hour.  I watched COPS.  I watched AMERICA’s MOST WANTED.   I cuddled Sugar.   I made a mental note to do something nice for my neighbors next door, who probably stay pretty in tune with our soap opera over here.  How they put up with us,  I- dont–kn0w….

There was a lot of other special “topics” dealing with Big A and revolving around clothes, shoes, cell phone minutes,  and  cleaning.  but I will spare you.  In fact here’s to ending this rant on a good note:

especially sweet night

           Me,  cleaning, quick swipes of trash assembled around big A on the computer desk.

 her: “don’t touch that…oh.

  that was my snot [rag]“  gah!!!   

  tonight’s been a real diversion from the normal nightly routine.  We as little A’s parents, got invited to her choir musical.    One thing about little A.  she loves to sing–even post surgery, that gurl would not miss her concert!    She promised to lip sync if her throat got to hurting much. 

 

 

 

 

 

      We got to see the Beatles for free, oh wow!

 

 

      and Elvis.  Elvis isn’t dead you know.  He’s alive and well and he just played tonight.  He sounds better than ever too.

Along with being good on my new adjusted caloric intake and food preparation plan  (NOT a diet) 

I went over to Starbucks and had a bran muffin with 2 percent milk for breakfast. 

 I had an apple, a cheesestick and 3 slices of lean smoked deli ham.  I drank water allll day.  not a coke in sight.  

  This morning was especially sweet.  You know if you are reading this blog much that Sugar and Prince, my two dogs do not get along at all.  well, I got up to find them both laying on the couch with big A like this:

 

well, there IS hope for this family after all.  If they can get along…..

My so called office life

blinking cursor night.   Monday was pretty much like all the other mondays except I didn’t go thru burger king drive through. 

 I didn’t have a coke for breakfast. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 ” one study discovered that drinking one or more soft drinks a day — and it didn’t matter whether it was diet or regular — led to a 30% greater chance of weight gain around the belly.
” Doctor Maoshing Ni, health.yahoo.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I sat at my desk having had 3 hours sleep last night again.  Sleep comes at a high price in my house between Doug snoring and now Big A having a severe earache/throat virus.  She woke up at 4 a.m crying  and asking for medicine.   She also stayed home from school.

  I sat at my desk looking down at my little cup of cottage cheese, and enjoying my apple, and then thoroughly loving my ice water all day.   (not, but lets just say I did)  

  I reminded myself that I don’t want any of that weight back on me that I lost.

   My body did kind of a tantrum thing where it gave me a caffeine withdrawl headache and then I was as irritable as ______________(you fill in the blank, I’m at a loss of words right now, and be creative) 

My co-worker talked to herself the whole day.  srsly.  I thought she was losing her mind for a second, but then I didn’t factor in the air system at work blowing out non stop rushing air at the speed of sound, on top of us no less, and we didn’t know how much dust and yuk was in that air, so  after awhile, the air velocity took it’s toll on me. 

  

by the time we called in a work order, it was already time to go home.  I slept and slept until 7 p.m. I was grateful to hear relative silence, but then I had big A on my ass again about the football game.  (dang that gurl is stubborn)     I will take the air blower at work over Big A’s screeching, anyday. 

  My sugar baby was there for me after work.  She always is:

   Tried and true, and flea-less  her, she and I are buddies to the core.  

  Big A and Doug, went to her doctor appointment in the morning and big A has a virus. 

 She has laryngitis and sounds something like she smoked a whole pack of  filter less cigarrettes.

  We went through this whole deal today where she called me no less than 8 times at work today, begging me to go to her friend’s basketball game after school.

   Well, we have had a rule since the beginning of the “A’s” days: 

 no school?  , no after school activities! 

If you’re sick enough to stay home, you don’t suddenly get well at the end of the school day, well enough to hang out.

   So big A calls with the same schtick all day:

Me: Personnel, [sweetiegirlz speaking] may I help you?

Her: Mom.  Can I pllllleeeeeeaaaaassssseee go to the game?

Me: No.

 There are as many variables on this conversation as I can think of.  Big A will make the ultimate CEO of a corporation or power lawyer one day.

  She promised me everything but her first born child to go to that game, but i stuck to my guns.  NO. 

  Eventually I got bored playing and tired of hearing my co-worker chuckling,

so I referred

her to Doug’s WORK number.

 I know. I know…she probably didn’t even know she had a dad.  It was a groundbreaking day for all of us.  

Thank God for Excedrin migraine strength.

Work and Werewolves and His brooding self

World spinning today with work, and werewolves, and flappers, and woodstock performers.

 

   i know.  doesn’t seem like those things go together does it? 

 It did today.  The only caveat to the halloween costume contest was the flurry of papers hitting and leaving my desk.  Otherwise it was awesome.  A lot of people dressed up. 

 

 

  I would’ve had at least a couple pics but I was soooo busy coming back after being home with little A that I didn’t have time to sneeze.

  The weather is a little cold right now.  So much rain has passed over the last days. 

 

 

Today, was the day when leaves scattered like a crazy stampede of miniature people, across the roads.  While driving,  it may be possible that you are sometimes surprised by the sheer amount of leaves blowing like so many empty brown bags,  into your driving path.

  It was  a day to stay on your toes.

 Wind blew piles hither and yon (what does that mean anyway?)  they landed all over our porch, trapped by the “corner effect” of how our house and garage meet. 

 

 

 Anywhere you look, there are “nature made” huge piles of leaves in one place and then you glance around and some part of the leaves have blown completely bare on another part of ground!  Pretty strange.   

 

 I do love fall when it’s like this.  I love the sunshine with it tho.  today was just gloomy. 

 

 

not much else is going on.  It was nice to be welcomed back to work today.  It was nice to be missed.   I AM MISSED!!! YAY.  (“you’re back!”  *smiles*)

 

 

 if  for nothing other than my work value, I was missed for the last few days…I’m ecstatic about that.  It means that I am competent at my job. 

 A lot of people asked about little A.

 

 

    So it’ s Friday.  We DO have to stay in with little A.  I know that.  But can it be anymore boring?  Doug has been a little lot distant from me. 

  He’s brooding.  He’s cleaning and muttering under his breath, and cursing at times.   I don’t know how much more miserable he can be. (or I can be) 

 

 

I’m asking him a hundred times.  what’s up with you?   Even if he said,  “I hate your guts, Fuck you”   it’s better than him saying “nothing”.  

  Because of course, we as women know that “nothing” most definitely means something.  Especially when he’s acting like this.   

 

   but then “nothing” became “I just have a lot on my mind” and then that became, “I’m stressed at work, I have a ton of this and that to do.”  and the inevitable:

I have to go in for a few hours tommorrow (Saturday morning)  

 

I knew there was a something to that nothing.  So I let him be. 

 and I  watched  Pink Panther 2  (which is better than the first one, I’d watch it just for fake accents, sooo funny) 

 Little A snuggled up to me on the couch while we waited for Big A to come home from the dance.   

Here comes she with a glowing headband on, looking…..well….glowing!    Surprisingly, she makes curfew.  but then…

 

Her:  Can I like, yeah, can I go back over to  Sara’s?

ME: no, you have a sore throat, you need to stay in.

Her: you suck I hate you.

A very bloggy day

  Is blogging like high school?

 

That went thru my mind today as I looked at how some people get literally dozens and dozens of comments on the daily, and some people only a few. 

 

 The bloggy content isn’t really different from blog to blog, at least from the ones I have seen.  

 Well, a lot of people don’t post negative blogs, I know that.  Maybe that is the equalizer?  i have quite a few negative blogs.  because I’m such a positve person don’tcha know?  *wink wink*

 

  and how about commenting?  If people comment, do you then feel obligated to reply? 

 

and  then if people reply a LOT or vice versa, do you then feel obligated to blogroll them?

 How about if the person is new to your page?  do you then feel wrong if you don’t go visit theirs and leave a comment? 

 

 cuz if blogging was like high school, friends,  I’d be like a whisper in the hallways.  No one even NOTICED me in high school, but I will tell you this. 

 Those who got to know me were pretty close. 

 

     Anyhoo.  I’m still journaling.  I’m occasionally *chick ranting*. 

I’m still doing once a week photo essays.  I still try the occasional humor (is this thing on?) 

 and sometimes I post about an interesting news or event.  that’s it. 

 I’m not trying to win ratings, or stats or whatever.

 

 I just happen to like company.

 

 

   So Thursday morning.  My last day at home with little A.  Her dad will stay with her tommorrow.  I don’t as yet know if it was good for me to be off all week.  I’m sooo lazy now even though I for sure did more work than if I went to work. 

 

 

  This morning brought a wonderful downpour and it was definitely pillow weather.  Until I heard…

“Mom,  can you drive me to school?”

what?  nooooo!!!! agh. 

 

Me:  what time?

Her: NOW.

(apparently she hadn’t noticed I was wearing only ___________)

 

Yes, and the weather outside was really nasty.  especially since I drove her to school in pitch dark, pouring rain and then discovered I was driving with daytime running lights on the whole time.  How I did not get a ticket is beyond me.

 

 

     So yes, I’m sad today.  I’m a tad angry. 

I had an intrusion on my computer which then in turn forced me to reinstall everything…

EVERY thing. 

 

 

 Some childhood pictures were lost that I hadn’t uploaded to WordPress yet.  I’m really upset about that.

 

I had to go thru the whole thing with getting on the phone with some guy in India (thankyou DEEPAK) and I was on 2 HOURS with this person, reinstalling virus prot. and yada yada and nothing would work, so I had to start from scratch and aggghhh, it’s such a pain in the ass! 

 

Any way,  the rain, yeah.  it made it all just a little better.  because little A and I slept like til lunchtime.  and just falling asleep with that rain pounding on the roof, made me unconscious lickety split, to all of the  potential azzzzwipes in the world.

 

 

  I have work tommorrow (yay Friday)  I will not be saying yay when I get my lightweight paycheck tho.    

 

So the man came home brooding again.  His eyebrows were bunched up and he was frowning, legs tucked under him on the couch.

 He stayed late at work again. 

 kept his hugs to himself again.

  “what’s for dinner?” again.  

 once I brought it to his attention that being alone all day sucked and that now that he was home,  I still felt alone, he apologized and hugged me.

   then went upstairs to watch WRESTLING.   

okay then.    At some point I went up too,  little huggy kissy thing going on. I figured i would kickstart him a little.

 

  “Renee, I am trying to watch this”   Okay then. strike two.

 

  At another point I went upstairs again….you guessed it.  He’s snoring to beat the band.  

 

 

That’s all I know

I knew in solace, tears would be finding me tonight.  I can’t help it.  I’m a mom to the core.  

 

 

She came in my room and lay on the bed, scared.  I knew the inevitable anxiety for her would set in.  I prayed for her, and asked God to take away her fear and protect her during tommorrow’s surgery.

   I know, i know.  It’s gonna be fine, and I may be over dramatizing it,  but here is SG  being a big chicken.

 

 

  Little A.  I lurrrveee me that little A.  

 

  I had a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy as a child.  I also had tubes put in my ears. 

 

 

 Here is what I remember about that: 

 I went to the hospital with my mother.  I carried probably the tiniest round suitcase you ever saw. 

 

 

When I was in the bed, my mom was there, next to me.  The nurse came in and gave me a huge, painful shot in my butt. She made me grab the head of the bed and count to ten while she gave me that shot.  

 

 

  Believe it or not, they let me slurp on an orange popscicle, before the surgery.  yeah. go figure.

 

 I remember when the nurse came in and said it was time,  I told them, “I want to save my popscicle!” 

 

 

  silly me.  not really knowing popscicles melt in a few moments.    My mom had colored a page in my coloring book for me.

 

  In the OR, someone put a mask over my nose and mouth, and told me to count backwards from 10. 

 

 I remember at one point i was floating (srsly)

  I floated up to the corner of the OR ceiling and was looking down on my body for a brief few seconds, then…nothing.

 

 

  I woke up back in my hospital bed.  mad. 

 

 the orange popsicle was  a melted eighth cup of sweet warm ickiness. 

 

 I don’t remember being too sore.  At one point,  I received a card.

  A cartoon giraffe  was on the front or inside of it.  the giraffe had slots in his neck and in each slot was a quarter.

  That’s all I remember.  that’s all.

  I know back then, we spent the night in the hospital for this operation.

 

 In this day and age of modern equipment and fast operating times…Little A will come home.